What does that mean??

Ok, there are many times that I am leary to say "I am a Christian" because of experiences I have had with people that say it so boldly. It frustrates me to no end...

Have you ever been in the workplace and had someone proclaim they are a Christian and then turn around and act in the most Christ unlike ways? How do you respond? Do you call them on it?

In two specific situations I have worked "under" someone who claims to "know" the Bible and someone who knows Christ, THEY ARE SO LOUD ABOUT IT! Then they turn around and talk about people so nasty, they do everything in their power to make others look bad, they sabatoge their work, or they undermind their employers.

I have gotten to the point that I refuse to say out loud that I am a Christian. I want people to know it by the way I behave, not the words I say...

It is sad when we are disgusted by our own kind.

Sidewalk Prophets LIVE "You Can Have Me" w/ Lyrics

Whispers to my soul...

There are times when I become overwhelmed by what is going on around me with either my family, friends, church, work, kids, kids schools and schoolwork, and the list goes on. It is like I can't seem to figure out which way to go ... hence the theme of this blog!

I find myself asking God to just whisper to me the answers... please?

Recently I needed to make a career decision and I was completely overwhelmed between some parental issues and career decisions and could not think straight. My parents, or better known as my advisory board, were out of the country and I was literally on my floor crying, "GOD, I JUST NEED MY DADDY!" Half of it was to him to be my Daddy and half of it was seriously requesting for my Dad to call. I gathered myself and went to get the kids from school and 30 mins later as we were pulling onto my street, my phone rang. I picked it up and smiled... "Thank you God for hearing my tearful pleading..." it was my Daddy. He felt like he needed to call. WOW!!! Now that is a whisper to my soul.

Earlier in the same day, I was driving and was surprised to hear the beginning of a song that I love and could not believe I hadn't heard the beginning words before.

Ok so why did this speak to me? Because as crazy as it may sound, I feel like I have been called to give up our cable. Why is this so hard for me? Baseball. Yes, seriously, BASEBALL. I love my baseball and I want my FoxSW channels. I love my Rangers. So how does this apply? Well, God is whispering to my soul... will you be willing to sacrifice it all, for me? I know this is silly, but this is what I can't let go of. He is whispering to my soul... when did MY love become so unconsuming that Baseball is more important than me? And yes, I am still struggling with it and have not given it up yet. I know I need to... I just can't do it yet... play-offs are so close... I hate myself for it.

Blessings, uh huh!

I wrote this a while back, but never posted it...

Someone I love very much has said a couple of times, "People are so fake. They are all, 'I'm so blessed' this and 'You are such a blessing' that." It hurt me a bit because, I say that. But then I stepped back and really watched the social networks and people I really know. Sometimes I see people using it as a mask to cover the true pain they feel or what is really going on. I was so down one night that I really felt like I needed to take stock of my life and not be so overwhelmed by the "in your face" stuff. So this is what I wrote....

As I take a deep breathe and ready myself for a new week that I am sure will be full of many adventures, I take a minute to see the many blessings in my life. So many times it is easy to get overwhelmed by the things of life such as raising three children, going from w-2 employment to contract labor, being involved in politics and just the normal everyday challenges of today's life. Everyone has challenges in their life that almost seems overwhelming. I realized tonight as I was giving my youngest her bath and laughing as we rushed through it that I seem to rush through everything trying to get something accomplished and I don't even know what it is that I'm trying to accomplish. Is it getting them in bed on time while trying to do all of the things a "good parent" does for their children? As I was drying middle one's hair and watching her I had a realization.

There are times I have viewed my children as one of my challenges... don't get me wrong, I know and acknowledge that they are my TRUE blessing and that is it, but in reality there is a challenge when you are raising three children with three completely different personalities, strengths and weakness'. If I am being completely honest, my oldest and youngest have the personality that is so easy to work with. They are easier to correct and talk to and work with. I have referred to my middle child as my challenge many times because, she pushes me and stretches me. She is the child that is going to make me a better person while I am trying to direct her drive and determination to help her be successful. It is so funny to see it from that perspective. I had never seen it from that side. It was crazy looking in the mirror at her and coming to that realization. I finished with her hair and I wrapped her up in my arms and said, "Sweetheart, you are such a beautiful girl and I know you know that. What I want for you is to realize that outward beauty fades, but true beauty comes from within and that is what I am trying to help you develop. Inward beauty lasts forever and amplifies your outward beauty. Inward beauty shows itself through your words and your actions. It is love that flows through your words and that is what we need to work on this year, sweetie." She just looked at me and said ok. I wonder if she gets what I am saying. She makes me a better person. She has grown my patience and my understanding of who I am and who I want to be. How can she become what I desire her to be if I am not what I want to be... she is my mirror. How long will I be blessed to have a say in her life? How long will my words still be heard? Lord, I want to be used in a POSITIVE way in this child's life!

After I finished with her hair and while she was getting ready for bed, I went in to tuck in my baby. She was already asleep, but just barely. She said with her eyes closed, "Mommy, I was almost asleep." I said "I think you are sweetheart." I told her I loved her and she said, "Mommy, can I go to sleep now?" "Yes sweetie!" and tucked her in. How precious is that? How long will I be blessed with moments like these?

Once I tucked the girls in, I came into my little man... I'm very careful with this title because, he takes it so serious. He is such a gift to me. He is very protective of the girls and I. He takes his role to heart in being the man of the house. He is a leader to his sisters and yet senstive. I struggle with not allowing him to be too sensitive though. He simply amazes me. He is not the everyday little boy. He likes sports, he loves to read, he likes science and school. He loves technology and games...ugh. He is so versatile. He likes art and theatre too. I will never forget the moment that we were watch the movie Phantom of the Opera and as he watched the film change from Black and White for the present day to color for the past. He said, "Mom, that is not normally how they film movies. Usually it is black and white for the past and color for the present." This was at least 2 years ago. WOW! This child amazes me. DAILY he amazes me. I will be completely honest... THIS IS NOT BECAUSE OF ME!!!!

These children could not be who they are as a result of me. I make mistakes as a parent... these children are amazing. Our God has made these children amazing despite me. I am so grateful for that!

So, when life is overwhelming... like today... I see my blessings... they are very visual. There is my son, the strong, sensitive leader and protector. The one I have to remind that he is a kid and it's ok for him to be a kid. There is mt warrior, the beautiful gift that stretches me as a person while I help her to become the amazing woman that I know she will be. And then there is Lily... she is soft spirit who is confident in who she is and loves without regard. I want to be like her. Each of these children bless me daily... they make me smile when I don't feel like smiling. They give me hope for tomorrow when those around me seem to have lost sight of honesty and integrity. They are giving and loving. I have parents that have raised me to know right from wrong, to put people first, and love without regard. I have an extended family that has given me a strong heritage of faith, love and support. I have friends who unconditionally support me whether they agree or disagree, understand or not... they stand BESIDE ME and walk beside as the road curves and turns and I take on each day.

I AM TRULY BLESSED...

All of this is to say that each of you reading this, is a blessing in my life and I am grateful for you.

The Golden Rule

"Treat others the way you want to be treated."
Simple TRUTH, but no longer true.
I was raised on this truth and held to it. I watched my parents, grandparents, and great grandparents along with our extended family and friends live this out. I will say, I take it too far. I will sit back and allow someone to do something that will be hurtful to me hoping they will turn it around and be the person I see them to be... hope for them to be.

I will have to say though, this week has been one that has really knocked me over causing me to take a stronger stand for me and mine. Left me saying.... "REALLY?"

There are so many people who have poured amazingly into me. Who build me up, encourage me, hold me accountable and who will shoot straighter than an arrow with me. I appreciate these people so much.

At the same time, there have been a few that have really gone out of their way to do the opposite. I remember that a while back there was senior that went out of their way to make sure I looked bad. In team meetings they would talk to the other members of the team and tell them how great they were doing and then get to me and literally say, "Why can't you do what they are doing?" I remember one time when they were chatting and walk up outside my cubicle and said, "Turn around and look at me when I'm talking to you." I was working and they were gossiping. It came down to the point that I was miserable and just decided to resign. I found a new job, but before I resigned another team mate went to the manager and told them what was going on. HR got involved, gave me a great severance package and asked me to go ahead and make it my last day. Today, I received a text from a former team mate that stated that that particular senior look the manager to hr today to complain and was fired herself. The CRAZY part is that I actually felt bad for them. They are a single parent and I know the stress of being unemployed and trying to provide for your child's(children's) needs. All I could do was pray for them.

There is one more person that has really made life difficult. I ended a part of that relationship, but am unable to completely cut them out due to familial obligations. It has been several years and yet, they are still trying to talk about it. This week I finally just said, "I will be unable to give you the answer's you want or need. I will not discuss this anymore." Sometimes you just want to say... "PEOPLE GET OVER IT. It didn't work, it won't work...MOVE ON!" I will no longer be the person you can beat up on (verbally or otherwise).

It is so funny to listen to people sometimes, they accuse you of doing exactly what they are doing... what causes people to be vindictive, manipulative, hurtful, hateful, destructive? Where did it begin?

So what really ever happened to treating others the way you want to be treated? Where did we lose this?

Classic Looney Tunes