I wrote this a while back, but never posted it...
Someone I love very much has said a couple of times, "People are so fake. They are all, 'I'm so blessed' this and 'You are such a blessing' that." It hurt me a bit because, I say that. But then I stepped back and really watched the social networks and people I really know. Sometimes I see people using it as a mask to cover the true pain they feel or what is really going on. I was so down one night that I really felt like I needed to take stock of my life and not be so overwhelmed by the "in your face" stuff. So this is what I wrote....
As I take a deep breathe and ready myself for a new week that I am sure will be full of many adventures, I take a minute to see the many blessings in my life. So many times it is easy to get overwhelmed by the things of life such as raising three children, going from w-2 employment to contract labor, being involved in politics and just the normal everyday challenges of today's life. Everyone has challenges in their life that almost seems overwhelming. I realized tonight as I was giving my youngest her bath and laughing as we rushed through it that I seem to rush through everything trying to get something accomplished and I don't even know what it is that I'm trying to accomplish. Is it getting them in bed on time while trying to do all of the things a "good parent" does for their children? As I was drying middle one's hair and watching her I had a realization.
There are times I have viewed my children as one of my challenges... don't get me wrong, I know and acknowledge that they are my TRUE blessing and that is it, but in reality there is a challenge when you are raising three children with three completely different personalities, strengths and weakness'. If I am being completely honest, my oldest and youngest have the personality that is so easy to work with. They are easier to correct and talk to and work with. I have referred to my middle child as my challenge many times because, she pushes me and stretches me. She is the child that is going to make me a better person while I am trying to direct her drive and determination to help her be successful. It is so funny to see it from that perspective. I had never seen it from that side. It was crazy looking in the mirror at her and coming to that realization. I finished with her hair and I wrapped her up in my arms and said, "Sweetheart, you are such a beautiful girl and I know you know that. What I want for you is to realize that outward beauty fades, but true beauty comes from within and that is what I am trying to help you develop. Inward beauty lasts forever and amplifies your outward beauty. Inward beauty shows itself through your words and your actions. It is love that flows through your words and that is what we need to work on this year, sweetie." She just looked at me and said ok. I wonder if she gets what I am saying. She makes me a better person. She has grown my patience and my understanding of who I am and who I want to be. How can she become what I desire her to be if I am not what I want to be... she is my mirror. How long will I be blessed to have a say in her life? How long will my words still be heard? Lord, I want to be used in a POSITIVE way in this child's life!
After I finished with her hair and while she was getting ready for bed, I went in to tuck in my baby. She was already asleep, but just barely. She said with her eyes closed, "Mommy, I was almost asleep." I said "I think you are sweetheart." I told her I loved her and she said, "Mommy, can I go to sleep now?" "Yes sweetie!" and tucked her in. How precious is that? How long will I be blessed with moments like these?
Once I tucked the girls in, I came into my little man... I'm very careful with this title because, he takes it so serious. He is such a gift to me. He is very protective of the girls and I. He takes his role to heart in being the man of the house. He is a leader to his sisters and yet senstive. I struggle with not allowing him to be too sensitive though. He simply amazes me. He is not the everyday little boy. He likes sports, he loves to read, he likes science and school. He loves technology and games...ugh. He is so versatile. He likes art and theatre too. I will never forget the moment that we were watch the movie Phantom of the Opera and as he watched the film change from Black and White for the present day to color for the past. He said, "Mom, that is not normally how they film movies. Usually it is black and white for the past and color for the present." This was at least 2 years ago. WOW! This child amazes me. DAILY he amazes me. I will be completely honest... THIS IS NOT BECAUSE OF ME!!!!
These children could not be who they are as a result of me. I make mistakes as a parent... these children are amazing. Our God has made these children amazing despite me. I am so grateful for that!
So, when life is overwhelming... like today... I see my blessings... they are very visual. There is my son, the strong, sensitive leader and protector. The one I have to remind that he is a kid and it's ok for him to be a kid. There is mt warrior, the beautiful gift that stretches me as a person while I help her to become the amazing woman that I know she will be. And then there is Lily... she is soft spirit who is confident in who she is and loves without regard. I want to be like her. Each of these children bless me daily... they make me smile when I don't feel like smiling. They give me hope for tomorrow when those around me seem to have lost sight of honesty and integrity. They are giving and loving. I have parents that have raised me to know right from wrong, to put people first, and love without regard. I have an extended family that has given me a strong heritage of faith, love and support. I have friends who unconditionally support me whether they agree or disagree, understand or not... they stand BESIDE ME and walk beside as the road curves and turns and I take on each day.
I AM TRULY BLESSED...
All of this is to say that each of you reading this, is a blessing in my life and I am grateful for you.
There are times I have viewed my children as one of my challenges... don't get me wrong, I know and acknowledge that they are my TRUE blessing and that is it, but in reality there is a challenge when you are raising three children with three completely different personalities, strengths and weakness'. If I am being completely honest, my oldest and youngest have the personality that is so easy to work with. They are easier to correct and talk to and work with. I have referred to my middle child as my challenge many times because, she pushes me and stretches me. She is the child that is going to make me a better person while I am trying to direct her drive and determination to help her be successful. It is so funny to see it from that perspective. I had never seen it from that side. It was crazy looking in the mirror at her and coming to that realization. I finished with her hair and I wrapped her up in my arms and said, "Sweetheart, you are such a beautiful girl and I know you know that. What I want for you is to realize that outward beauty fades, but true beauty comes from within and that is what I am trying to help you develop. Inward beauty lasts forever and amplifies your outward beauty. Inward beauty shows itself through your words and your actions. It is love that flows through your words and that is what we need to work on this year, sweetie." She just looked at me and said ok. I wonder if she gets what I am saying. She makes me a better person. She has grown my patience and my understanding of who I am and who I want to be. How can she become what I desire her to be if I am not what I want to be... she is my mirror. How long will I be blessed to have a say in her life? How long will my words still be heard? Lord, I want to be used in a POSITIVE way in this child's life!
After I finished with her hair and while she was getting ready for bed, I went in to tuck in my baby. She was already asleep, but just barely. She said with her eyes closed, "Mommy, I was almost asleep." I said "I think you are sweetheart." I told her I loved her and she said, "Mommy, can I go to sleep now?" "Yes sweetie!" and tucked her in. How precious is that? How long will I be blessed with moments like these?
Once I tucked the girls in, I came into my little man... I'm very careful with this title because, he takes it so serious. He is such a gift to me. He is very protective of the girls and I. He takes his role to heart in being the man of the house. He is a leader to his sisters and yet senstive. I struggle with not allowing him to be too sensitive though. He simply amazes me. He is not the everyday little boy. He likes sports, he loves to read, he likes science and school. He loves technology and games...ugh. He is so versatile. He likes art and theatre too. I will never forget the moment that we were watch the movie Phantom of the Opera and as he watched the film change from Black and White for the present day to color for the past. He said, "Mom, that is not normally how they film movies. Usually it is black and white for the past and color for the present." This was at least 2 years ago. WOW! This child amazes me. DAILY he amazes me. I will be completely honest... THIS IS NOT BECAUSE OF ME!!!!
These children could not be who they are as a result of me. I make mistakes as a parent... these children are amazing. Our God has made these children amazing despite me. I am so grateful for that!
So, when life is overwhelming... like today... I see my blessings... they are very visual. There is my son, the strong, sensitive leader and protector. The one I have to remind that he is a kid and it's ok for him to be a kid. There is mt warrior, the beautiful gift that stretches me as a person while I help her to become the amazing woman that I know she will be. And then there is Lily... she is soft spirit who is confident in who she is and loves without regard. I want to be like her. Each of these children bless me daily... they make me smile when I don't feel like smiling. They give me hope for tomorrow when those around me seem to have lost sight of honesty and integrity. They are giving and loving. I have parents that have raised me to know right from wrong, to put people first, and love without regard. I have an extended family that has given me a strong heritage of faith, love and support. I have friends who unconditionally support me whether they agree or disagree, understand or not... they stand BESIDE ME and walk beside as the road curves and turns and I take on each day.
I AM TRULY BLESSED...
All of this is to say that each of you reading this, is a blessing in my life and I am grateful for you.
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